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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

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I've just been terribly hurt.

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My ceramics instructor just insulted my
pot, the one I made in his

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class. He says it isn't fit to be put in
the kiln, and he'll probably be

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throwing it out in a moment.

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He's in there now, cleaning out the
kiln.

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Tonight's play is The Contest for Air
and Gold.

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and it begins after the usual one
-minute pause for sponsor

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Well, it'll mean lighting it myself, and
I've never done that.

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Don't blame me. What can you expect from
a generation that was raised on Hansel

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and Gretel?

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I understand that, Mr. Stern.

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Angelo, please.

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I shouldn't have to listen to excuses.

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Let me remind you that in five days,
five miserable days, no more, no less,

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are opening this camp.

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The parents are going to be driving
their children up there.

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And they can't park their cars in the
lake. I understand that, Mr. Stern. You

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told me that. You can't park the parents
in the lake.

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And tell that to those zombies at work
for you. I'll talk to you later, Angelo.

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Bernie! Bernie Samuelson!

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Sir? Bernie, boy, you're right on time.
I just finished putting up the sign and

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who should show up but Mr. Ceramics
himself.

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How do you like it? Fine. Looks real
nice. I'm sure I'll like it fine.

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I thought you would. And we've got every
facility, and I mean every facility,

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exactly as stated in the new catalog.

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We got kind of a motto here at Lakeside.
You will never repent what you don't

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misrepresent. Am I right or am I right?

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Oh, excuse me a minute, Bernie.

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Lefty, up there on the tower.

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That's Lefty James, our head counselor.
I told you about him.

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Lefty, say hello to Bernie Samuelson.

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Sam -u -l -son.

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Sir M. X.

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Watch this.

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Beats the fire department the way this
guy goes into action.

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You know, it's no fluke. He was once in
a Tarzan picture.

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Watch him now.

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Knowing your background in sculpture,
Bernie, and I'm not one to buy a pig in

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poke. Knowing your background, I'm
confident that you'll agree with me that

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ceramics has taken a large step forward
here at Camp Lakeside.

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Like I told you in New York at our
interview, our motto is top -notch

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performance for top -notch clientele.

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Or, in other words,

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Let's have something to show the parents

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This instrument fellas as

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many of you know is called a potter's
wheel Men have been using them for

48
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hundreds of years to make themselves
many beautiful and useful things

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You know once upon a time not so

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very long ago there was no such thing as
a neighborhood variety store or

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Or a department store.

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Or a hardware store where people could
buy the things that they now take for

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granted.

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Men had to make things with their hands.

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And that's how, well, that's how
craftsmanship began.

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Uncle Bernie? Yes.

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Why do we call you Uncle, Uncle Bernie?

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Oh, well, it's policy.

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Gives the camp more of a family
atmosphere.

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Last year I went to Camp Whispering
Willow and it was different.

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We call the counselors Cousin Whispering
Willow, like Cousin Leo or Cousin

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Jerome. I see. Well, the counselors were
probably younger there, Henry. That

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could be why you called them Cousin.

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Cousin Herman at Whispering Willow. He
was twice as old as my father.

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Bless him.

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He should live to be a thousand.

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Right now we're talking about the
potter's wheel, Henry. The thing that's

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it so remarkable through the centuries
is the fact... Hey, Uncle Bernie, he's

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like a dog in my ear. He's a liar. It
wasn't no dog. It was nothing but a

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All right, knock it off.

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I suppose everybody helps himself to
clay. Not for sticking it in each

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ears, mind you.

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But just to get the feel of what we're
trying to do here.

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All right, come on, come on.

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What do you think it is, Uncle Bernie?

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I'll give you a hint.

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It wriggles.

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And it also crawls on its belly, Uncle
Bernie.

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You get it yet?

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A snake?

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You knew it all the time.

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That's because I had certain advantages,
Henry.

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Three special courses at one of our
finest universities.

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Otherwise, I might never have known.

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Pancake, huh?

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Always a great favorite.

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Something you can depend on.

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snakes and ashtrays.

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It shows great promise.

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Well,

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we seem to have missed each other.

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What's your name?

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It's Aaron.

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Aaron what?

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Aaron Gold, Uncle Bernie.

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I mean to forget about the swimming.

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I promise to play with everybody else
the next time.

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And I promise I won't go off by myself
either.

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You gonna report me?

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Take it easy, Aaron.

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There's nothing to worry about.

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You mind letting me see what you made?

103
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Oh, it's nothing. It's just an old
thing. Really, it's nothing.

104
00:08:05,571 --> 00:08:08,389
Well, I'll say this for it, Aaron. and
it looks like a pretty interesting

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nothing. Do you mind?

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Tonic you don't buy in a bottle. Real
nice, Mr. Stern. Real nice.

107
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How'd it go today with ceramics?

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The boys are catching on?

109
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Well, yes and no. It varies with group
to group, of course. No projects yet?

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Not yet. Not the first day, Mr. Stern.

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Some of these kids come from artistic
families, Bernie. They catch on quick,

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believe me.

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Quick, quick, quick.

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Like lightning, these boys. You have a
tough time keeping up with them.

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Uh, one thing I thought I'd mention.

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Lefty was a little annoyed this morning.

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old kid coming 15 minutes late for
swimming.

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I told Lefty I'd mention it to you. You
know, that couldn't be helped, Mr.

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Stern. What happened was the kid was...
Oh, please, Bernie.

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I'm not for one moment suggesting that
you held the kid back on purpose.

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I know how kids are.

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I'm just trying to give it to you from
Lefty's point of view.

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From Lefty's point of view, huh?

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Another thing.

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Lefty says the gold kid is kind of
peculiar.

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Teaching him to swim, he says, is like
trying to float a rock.

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Peculiar? Why?

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Please, Bernie, don't ask me. Ask Lefty.

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I can tell you one thing, though, from
my own experience.

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Swimming is very important.

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If there's one thing parents like to see
when they come on visiting day, it's

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their kids swimming back and forth, back
and forth like fish in a tub.

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I never thought of that before.

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Oh, we aim to develop a well -rounded
boy here at Camp Lakeside.

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Let's face it, Bernie.

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Even Lefty can't teach a kid to swim if
he's not there.

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Hey, fellas, that Uncle Ian will have
the ball.

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Aaron, the legs.

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The legs are beautiful. How'd you manage
that?

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Oh, I worried, Uncle Bernie.

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For almost two whole weeks, I worried
about the legs. Okay, so you worried. So

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what else did you do?

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to feel my own legs.

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You know, the way things really are.

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So, today I started over.

146
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You like the way he's standing?

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I like very much the way he's standing.

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00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,740
Standing brave, isn't he?

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I don't get that, Aaron.

150
00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:33,450
I mean, I don't understand exactly what
you mean.

151
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,290
Well, it's no good at all unless he's
really standing brave.

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Well, he could be standing brave.

153
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:42,330
Certainly no one could say he's not
standing brave.

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00:11:44,111 --> 00:11:50,699
What kind of dragon do you think the
knight is fighting, Uncle Bernie?

155
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You gonna make a dragon, Aaron?

156
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No.

157
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Well, excuse me, Aaron, but if you're
not gonna make a dragon, then what

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difference does it make what kind?

159
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You mean you don't understand?

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I'm sorry, I guess I don't.

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dragon as Uncle Bernie.

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The braver the knight would have to be
for fighting such a dragon.

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Even if we can't see what it is.

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Okay, fellas, there it goes.

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All right, fellas, let's go. Come on.

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Aaron,

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00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,080
didn't you hear the whistle?

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Aaron, did you or did you not hear the
whistle?

169
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That's fine. That's great. You can work
some more on Wednesday. Let's blow a

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nice attendance record you've got for
the last two weeks. Uncle Lefty will be

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00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,059
waiting. Come on. Please, Uncle Bernie.

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00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,110
Please what?

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00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:43,730
Please, won't you let me finish the
legs?

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Now I know what the dragon looks like.

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Well, I have it all in my mind.

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Can I, Uncle Bernie?

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lucky it's me, not Lefty James, who's
calling on you now.

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00:13:25,420 --> 00:13:27,939
Lefty's so mad he could chew the oars
right out of his robe. Now, wait a

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Did I or did I not tell you to get the
gold kid the swimming instruction on

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time? Did I? I tried, Mr. Stern. You
tried?

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00:13:33,561 --> 00:13:36,599
I'm telling you for the last time,
Bernie.

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Letting a kid play potsy with clay all
day long is not my idea of the well

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-rounded approach.

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A parent who pays a lot of money is not
going to be satisfied with a lousy clay

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00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,600
pot. Mr. Stern.

186
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:14,820
This is not a parking lot, Mr. Stern.
Aaron was not working with asphalt.

187
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:16,360
Asphalt, blast fault.

188
00:14:16,361 --> 00:14:20,419
In two weeks' time, Lefty James has got
111 kids swimming like they was

189
00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:22,179
mackerels without board motors on them.

190
00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:24,780
Every kid in camp except Little Sir
Amex.

191
00:14:25,060 --> 00:14:28,160
Who? You heard me. Little Sir Amex.

192
00:14:28,460 --> 00:14:30,120
Otherwise known as Aaron Gold.

193
00:14:30,740 --> 00:14:32,300
That's what Lefty calls him now.

194
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,420
Well, you tell Lefty James for me, Mr.
Stern.

195
00:14:35,820 --> 00:14:41,959
You tell that big -mouthed, muscle
-bound peacock out there that... What

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00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,880
you like me to tell him for you, Bernie?

197
00:14:50,060 --> 00:14:51,460
Never mind. Forget I said it.

198
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,290
We understand each other, don't we,
Bernie?

199
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:02,550
I guess we do.

200
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,400
Good. Then there's no hard feeling.

201
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:09,819
As long as Lefty's not screaming in
this, whatchamacallit, of Aaron Gold's

202
00:15:09,820 --> 00:15:12,110
two arms on it when his parents come on
Sunday.

203
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:13,539
All right?

204
00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:15,160
I guess it'll have to be all right.

205
00:15:30,970 --> 00:15:33,140
Aaron, couldn't you work a little
faster?

206
00:15:33,530 --> 00:15:34,810
Faster? Yeah.

207
00:15:34,811 --> 00:15:39,609
Well, Uncle Bernie, how can I go faster
when I want it to be right? Aaron, it's

208
00:15:39,610 --> 00:15:41,349
going to be great. It's going to be
fine.

209
00:15:41,350 --> 00:15:44,889
But you only got this period to finish
it. Your parents are coming on Sunday.

210
00:15:44,890 --> 00:15:46,150
Don't you see what I mean?

211
00:15:46,730 --> 00:15:48,230
Only my father, Uncle Bernie.

212
00:15:49,370 --> 00:15:51,290
Only my father will be coming on Sunday.

213
00:15:51,291 --> 00:15:54,509
And he isn't married to my mother
anymore. Your father.

214
00:15:54,510 --> 00:15:57,649
What would he think if after three
weeks' time you hadn't even finished one

215
00:15:57,650 --> 00:15:58,700
thing?

216
00:15:58,810 --> 00:15:59,860
He wouldn't care.

217
00:16:00,780 --> 00:16:01,920
Not if it was beautiful.

218
00:16:03,180 --> 00:16:04,380
I'm sorry, Uncle Billy.

219
00:16:04,660 --> 00:16:05,780
I can't go faster.

220
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,640
Father wouldn't be disappointed, huh?

221
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:10,930
No.

222
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:14,680
Aaron, think of Mr. Stern. Who?

223
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:17,680
Mr. Stern. What's he got to do with it?
Mr.

224
00:16:17,681 --> 00:16:20,799
Stern is the owner of Camp Lakeside. You
know how proud he is of the way they

225
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,240
get things done here on time?

226
00:16:22,241 --> 00:16:23,219
For cooking, you mean?

227
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:24,270
No!

228
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,240
That is not what I mean.

229
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,220
What I mean is Mr.

230
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,520
Stern. He wouldn't want your father to
be disappointed.

231
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,180
Aaron, pay attention.

232
00:16:36,780 --> 00:16:38,480
It's all right, Uncle Bernie.

233
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,760
My father won't get mad. Tell Mr.

234
00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:43,030
Stern.

235
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:44,740
My father's like you.

236
00:17:14,271 --> 00:17:17,389
You know something, Uncle Bernie?

237
00:17:17,390 --> 00:17:18,440
I doubt it.

238
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:21,069
I doubt very much that I know anything.

239
00:17:22,210 --> 00:17:24,089
My father could lick Uncle Lefty.

240
00:17:28,290 --> 00:17:29,340
See what I said?

241
00:17:30,890 --> 00:17:32,010
Yeah, I heard you.

242
00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:35,570
You said your father couldn't lick Uncle
Lefty.

243
00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:39,370
I'm sorry I couldn't go any faster.

244
00:17:54,161 --> 00:17:55,929
snake, Bernie.

245
00:17:55,930 --> 00:17:58,150
Cute as a bug. Look at the smile on its
face.

246
00:17:58,690 --> 00:17:59,740
I like it.

247
00:18:00,070 --> 00:18:02,150
The parents will appreciate it tomorrow.

248
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:06,050
Nice, uh, ashtray.

249
00:18:13,090 --> 00:18:16,760
Nice turtle, Bernie. You know, you could
easily recognize it for a turtle.

250
00:18:25,550 --> 00:18:29,330
Advantage to an ashtray is a boy can
make a practical gift for his dad.

251
00:18:29,950 --> 00:18:32,420
Oh, incidentally, Bernie, you should
hear this.

252
00:18:32,730 --> 00:18:34,590
We were talking about Aaron Gold.

253
00:18:35,210 --> 00:18:39,350
Yes? His father owns the Daisy Dooley
chain of supermarkets, 47 stores.

254
00:18:40,430 --> 00:18:41,480
Live wire merchant.

255
00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:44,040
He wouldn't want a boy who's half a bump
on a log.

256
00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:45,249
Who, Aaron?

257
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,330
He's almost hopeless.

258
00:18:46,331 --> 00:18:49,729
He hasn't got the intermediate dolphin
swimming badge to show his father in the

259
00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:50,749
first place.

260
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:52,310
Hasn't got the woodcraft badge.

261
00:18:52,311 --> 00:18:55,759
Doesn't have a softball stripe. In fact,
he just ain't got it. And I say, thank

262
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:56,900
goodness for ceramics.

263
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,900
Where's that thing he was making?

264
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,340
Oh, it's over here.

265
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:07,060
Dragon? What dragon?

266
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,920
Well, the dragon is... We must assume
there's a dragon.

267
00:19:16,660 --> 00:19:18,200
Are you kidding me, Bernie?

268
00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:20,000
The arm is still missing.

269
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,250
Why, this thing is as ridiculous as it
was five days ago.

270
00:19:23,820 --> 00:19:25,740
Are you trying to cover up for that boy?

271
00:19:25,741 --> 00:19:29,719
Is there something you're deliberately
trying to hide from me? No, there's

272
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:30,719
nothing.

273
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:32,480
I asked you well in advance.

274
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,680
Well, there was still plenty of time.

275
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:36,410
I warned you.

276
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:37,690
I begged you.

277
00:19:38,140 --> 00:19:41,920
I said something has to be finished to
show on visiting day.

278
00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:46,420
Did I or didn't I? Yes, Mr. Stern, you
told me in plenty of time.

279
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:47,770
Then finish it!

280
00:19:48,610 --> 00:19:49,660
I don't understand.

281
00:19:49,661 --> 00:19:52,629
I'm telling you to get a lump of clay
and put a right arm on this two -legged

282
00:19:52,630 --> 00:19:54,130
jackass of a one -armed knight.

283
00:19:54,510 --> 00:19:56,610
The dragon we will not even discuss.

284
00:19:56,970 --> 00:20:00,669
I couldn't do that, Mr. Stern. I
couldn't. You couldn't do what? I

285
00:20:00,670 --> 00:20:01,429
that to Aaron.

286
00:20:01,430 --> 00:20:03,730
This whole thing is his. Every little
bit of it.

287
00:20:03,950 --> 00:20:07,630
Conception, execution, loving care. I'd
only spoil it for him. Spoil it?

288
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:09,830
That's what you said?

289
00:20:11,350 --> 00:20:12,400
Well, yes.

290
00:20:14,730 --> 00:20:15,780
Bernie.

291
00:20:16,409 --> 00:20:21,489
Bernie, I pay you $600 for the season.
That's more than anybody in this whole

292
00:20:21,490 --> 00:20:25,710
camp, Lefty James, except... I
appreciate that, Mr. Stern.

293
00:20:26,930 --> 00:20:29,040
Would you like to call it quits right
now?

294
00:20:29,210 --> 00:20:31,190
Third week in July, prorate the season?

295
00:20:37,750 --> 00:20:39,850
I couldn't do that, Mr. Stern.

296
00:20:41,350 --> 00:20:43,810
My shop's closed up. All my things are
in storage.

297
00:20:45,550 --> 00:20:48,080
There's no business before September or
October.

298
00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:50,430
I couldn't do that.

299
00:20:52,690 --> 00:20:55,810
Then you put an arm and a sword on Don
Quixote here.

300
00:20:56,550 --> 00:20:57,600
Do it now.

301
00:20:58,950 --> 00:21:01,510
Or else I'll help you pack your bag.

302
00:21:14,081 --> 00:21:17,539
They're giving a diving exhibition.

303
00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:18,700
We hope you'll like it.

304
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,320
Hey, Jeff, bring your parents right down
to the lake.

305
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:25,130
You too, Mike.

306
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,140
Attaboy. We'll be ready to go in one
minute.

307
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:40,080
Aaron, aren't you supposed to be down at
the lake at the welcoming exercises?

308
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,680
Oh, well, I like out of there.

309
00:21:43,580 --> 00:21:45,260
Nobody knows it, just...

310
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:46,530
You and me.

311
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:50,620
Do you think that was a nice thing for
you to do?

312
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,530
Well, I wanted to wait for my father
here.

313
00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:58,100
I wrote him in a letter. I said, meet me
at Ceramics.

314
00:22:02,660 --> 00:22:03,920
Come here a second, Aaron.

315
00:22:04,100 --> 00:22:05,150
What?

316
00:22:21,351 --> 00:22:27,059
I didn't expect a knight to fight
without two arms. Aaron!

317
00:22:27,060 --> 00:22:28,110
I hate it.

318
00:22:28,111 --> 00:22:31,879
You ruined it. It's not mine now. Aaron,
I was only trying to help. Aaron,

319
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,280
listen to me. Aaron, please listen to
me. Aaron!

320
00:22:39,851 --> 00:22:45,399
Try not loud, Bernie. What's the matter
with the gold kid?

321
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,159
What'd you do, put a bomb under him? The
day of all days? That's right. I put a

322
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,450
bomb under him last night. Then I added
a sword.

323
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,610
your passion for getting things done on
schedule, Mr. Stern.

324
00:22:54,700 --> 00:22:55,750
You mean the arm?

325
00:22:55,820 --> 00:22:57,140
That was only a suggestion.

326
00:22:57,340 --> 00:22:59,580
Yeah? Well, I got a better suggestion.

327
00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:07,239
Now, my suggestion, Mr. Stern, is that
you... Excuse me. My name is Herbert

328
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:10,480
Gold. I'm looking for Aaron, my son.

329
00:23:24,460 --> 00:23:28,460
Seeing that story almost makes me want
to let my instructor out.

330
00:23:28,660 --> 00:23:31,480
However, he's not done yet.

331
00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:35,580
Perhaps he will be in another minute. We
shall see.

332
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:43,100
I wonder if the sponsor could be
persuaded to clean out the kiln

333
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,600
My vase turned out beautifully, don't
you think?

334
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:52,840
I'm going to use it to hold these ashes
I found on the floor in there.

335
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:03,940
As my dear instructor used to say, art
is long, life is brief.

336
00:24:04,140 --> 00:24:07,460
So until next week at this time, good
night.

337
00:24:07,510 --> 00:24:12,060
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